The Aftermath of the Crash
by youdbegoodinthefield
Summary: It had been two months since the plane carrying the surgeons to Boise had gone down, she was due to start her Fellowship in Mayo in a few weeks, and with her marriage on the rocks it seemed like a fresh start was exactly what Cristina needed. She loved Owen, but could she forgive him, and stay at a hospital plagued with so many haunting's?
1. Chapter 1

Cristina opened her eyes, her vision blurred, and not entirely convinced she wasn't still highly intoxicated from the night before. The staff formal had been an all out fail, when she thought back to the events of the night before. She rolled over to realise she wasn't in bed alone, it was Owen, he was laid beside her still fast sleep, or more likely unconscious after the amount of Scotch he had drunk. She glanced over at the door way, her red dress was sprawled on the floor and less than two feet from that was her panties, followed by Owens shirt and pant at the foot of the bed. The reality of last night hit her, along with the hangover from hell, she winced in embarrassment remembering the events of the night before.

She was so drunk, so drunk she thought Meredith had gone home when she was sat right at the bar! She remember the cat fight between her and April trying to hold in her laugh as she remember the comedy of it all, Meredith sat cheering her on the side lines nursing a bottle of already half empty Tequila , this was what it had came too, they were board certified surgeons , yet they still got into drunken slap fights like that were 16 and still in school.

She wanted to get out of the bed and leave, but she didn't want to wake Owen. She though if he woke up it would be too hard, it would make it even more difficult that it already was to leave. She knew Owen would think after last night, after this, it would mean she was staying, she didn't want to get his hopes up anymore than she already had. So she carefully eased her way out of the bed, wrapping herself in a bed sheet and carefully picking up some jeans and a tshirt from the cabinet, heading toward the living room to get dressed without waking Owen. "I need to page Mer" she thought to herself.

She started to dress, as quietly as she could, but still being slightly intoxicated quiet was not Yang's strong suit this morning and she toppled over the coffee table trying to get a leg in her jeans.

"Cristina?..." She hear coming from the bedroom and Owen made his way out to the living room, there he stood totally naked, to find a rather deshelived Cristina splayed on the coffee table half wearing her jeans.

"Oh, Owen…I thought. I thought you were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you" she replied trying to make the coffee table disaster look totally deliberate.

"I was asleep, til I heard what sounded like really bad burglars breaking into the apartment, thought I best check it out..." he quipped back, half expecting Cristina to laugh, but he could see she wasn't going to laugh, she looked tense, awkward, like here was the last place she wanted to be.

He sighed deeply, and a frown came across his face. _She was still leaving, this meant nothing to her. _He feared this would happen, it all seemed to perfect the night before, they made love first in the on call room, and then at home in their apartment. _Their apartment, _those words echoed in his head, making him feel sick to the pit of his stomach at the thought of it no longer being their apartment.

Cristina stood up, pulling up her jeans and fastening them. Owen stood watching her, somewhat bemused, but concern quickly washed over his bemusement when he seen how stern Cristina looked. "I was just going to leave…I didn't want to wake you." _Stupid coffee table, stupid tequila._ She thought to herself.

"Oh, right. Of course...I just thought, last night, I just…" his voice trailed off, she could hear the disappointment and anguish in his voice.

"Last night doesn't change anything Owen, it doesn't fix anything. I'm still going to Minnesota." Cristina's voice was abrupt and firm.

Owen thought after months of fighting, they were finally getting somewhere, they had made love, twice then she had fallen asleep in his arms. Owen had been awake for almost an hour after she had fallen asleep just watching her sleep, she was so beautiful. He had missed having her in his arms, he missed her smell, her thick curly hair he loved to bury his face in, and _those eyes_, oh how he had missed those eyes, beautiful brown eyes. Last night he had felt safe, for the first time in months. He thought this was the start of the road to recovering the wreck they had created.

_This doesn't fix anything. I'm still going to Minnesota. _Those words echoed in his head.


	2. Chapter 2

They had both been standing there for what felt like hours, not a word had been uttered between either of them. Cristina wanted to run. It was taking all the effort not to just run out of the apartment. Finally she broke the silence between them,

"I…I need to get to the hospital. I can't do this just now Owen. I just…can't." Cristina was upset, she was trying not to let it show on her face. But this was killing her, it was killing her because she could see how much this was destroying Owen. Last night had been a mistake, they were drunk. It didn't change anything, he still resented her for killing their baby. He still slept with another woman. She was still taking the fellowship and Mayo.

"Cristina! So last night was nothing? It's all I've been thinking about for months. To have you back in my arms, in our bed, in our apartment, But what was it for you?" He was getting more and more worked up as he spoke. Talking was never something Owen was good at, he couldn't articulate himself very well, especially when It came to Cristina. He always somehow managed to screw it up even more.

"When I got that phone call, about the plane, I thought I was never going to see you again. I thought that was how our story was going to end. The thought of never seeing you face again, never holding you, never waking up beside you – ever. That kills me Cristina. That kills me but I was starting to deal with it. And then you get wasted, and come home with me, and now once again I am nothing but a fucking mistake too you!" He was pacing the apartment and shouting. His mind was racing.

He knew he had no right, he had told her to go, told her to leave. _What sort of husband had he became? The sort that screams in front of all their friends that she killed there baby, the sort that told the love of his life to leave, the sort that cheated on Cristina with a woman who's name and face he couldn't even remember. _He was a monster. He had become a monster. _Cristina deserved more. _He knew that. He had know what he was getting into when he asked her to be his wife.

She was Cristina Yang, headstrong, fiercely intelligent, driven, and passionate. She was a surgeon. Before anything, Cristina was a surgeon. Owen knew that. He had expected her to change. To want the children he did. He had failed her. At ever hurdle he had failed her. Teddy, the abortion, telling her to leave, the cheating – _he had failed her. _

"NO. NO Owen. You do not get to decide what last night was for me, what YOU are too me." She was fuming. She felt like her head was about to explode- _what gave him the right. _

"You cheated on me. You slept with someone else and you can't even remember her name Owen. You lost the right to _DECIDE _anything about me." Cristina was furious, but in her anger tears were streaming down her face. Cristina grabbed what she needed for the way and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her.

She paused for a minute in the hallway of the apartment, to collect herself, she sighed, closing her eyes cradling her head in her hands. _This was hard. Leaving, right now, this was hard. _How was it going to feel when she really left? She shook the thought from her mind. She couldn't think about that right now, she had a surgery to get too.

_Inside the apartment…_

Owen was pacing the apartment as he often did when he was frustrated at himself. It seemed like all he did lately. He was constantly in turmoil with his emotions. He was torturing himself over what he had done to Cristina. This wreckage they had created. He thought, just for a moment last night, he thought they were going to fix it. Cristina had made it quite clear that they weren't on the same page, hell they weren't even on the same chapter.

He sat on the arm of the sofa, pressing his hand into his thighs. He was frowning, his face was pained. He just wanted to make everything better, he wanted to fix her, but he didn't know where to begin. _Or if it was just too late._


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a week since Cristina had walked out of the firehouse. It made it slightly easier that she hadn't been in the hospital all week. Cristina had called Mayo earlier to confirm the offer of the Cardio Fellowship. Dr Singer had been delighted by her acceptance on the programme. Cristina had a lot to do before she left for Minnesota in two weeks. _Lawyers, _she thought to herself. Lawyers were high up on her list. She had never thought it would come too this, after only two years or marriage Cristina was filing for divorce. _Divorce, divorce. _The word went around and around in her head. It seemed to final, so definitive. Their marriage really was over – in two weeks she would be leaving Seattle and with it her life, the life she had made for herself, with the family she choose. Meredith, _Meredith! _She had been so lost in her own thoughts she hadn't even told Meredith about any of these decisions. "I need to talk to Meredith." She said out loud, laid on the bed of her hotel suite.

She reached out for her phone that was on the nightstand beside her, frantically dialling Meredith's number, it rung for a few seconds, although those seconds felt like hours to Cristina, she heard Meredith's voice on the other end of the line. "Hey, Cristina? Are you okay?"

"Mer, are you at home or at the hospital? I need to talk to you."

"Oh Okay…are you okay? You sound a bit…um crazy."

"Yeah, I'm – I'm…I just need to talk to you and you in or not?" she snapped.

"Yeah I'm home, with Zola, Derek's at the hospital. But I am going in later; do you want to meet me there? Are you going in today?" Meredith enquired.

"NO! I'll come over now. I'm NOT going into the hospital today." Cristina replied firmly.

"I'll be over soon, I'm setting off now." Then the line went dead.

"Oh Okay…I think Aunty Cristina is mad at mommy." She said to Zola, concerned by how sharp Cristina had been on the phone.

_Half an hour later at Meredith's house…._

Cristina had jogged all the way over to Meredith's, Cristina did not jog. So, turning up at Mer's in sweats and her Stanford sweatshirt flashed up warning signs to Meredith. She let herself in, to find Meredith playing with Zola in the front room; Meredith looked up at a sweaty and dishevelled Cristina, "Oh No. You're jogging. This can't be good. What have you done?" Mer asked concerned.

Cristina ignored her and went straight over to the baby, picking her up and resting her on her lap on the sofa. "Aunt Cristina is going to miss you Zola, I love you little Zola, Yes I do..." she cooed at the baby. She was fighting back the tears as she spoke softly so her Goddaughter. It wasn't only Zola she was going to miss; she was leaving behind her whole life, her husband, her sister, her chosen family.

"Oh so you've decided then? Which is it? Cleveland Clinic or Mayo? I mean it was just them you had narrowed it down too, right? I mean they are both great programmes so not that it matters. But Dr. Singers offer was better thought, right? So probably Mayo…" Meredith knew she was rambling, but she wasn't sure what else to do – it seemed like a time for Tequila, but it was 11am, a little bit too early for the hard stuff, even by Meredith and Cristina standards.

"That's great, you're totally going to kick ass at Mayo. I mean it is Mayo, right?" Meredith stood there nervously waiting for a response.

"I'm getting a divorce, Meredith. I'm getting a divorce and I need you to come with me to the Lawyers, this afternoon. I can't do it on my own. I need my person." Cristina was clearly distraught; Meredith hated seeing her like this.

"Oh Cristina, are you okay? I mean I know you're not okay. But….sure, sure I will come with you." She paused for a moment, her head trying to get around what Cristina was saying to her, "Are you – Are you sure? About the divorce I mean, have you – have you even talked to Owen?" Mer was cautious. Sure she thought Owen was seriously wrong for Cristina but she knew how much she loved him, and how much this decision was killing her.

Cristina broke down holding Zola; she stroked the child's face and held her tight as the tears streamed down her own face. That was the first time she had said it out loud – divorce. She was filing for a divorce from the love of her life, but what other choice did she have? Their marriage was non-existent, they couldn't communicate, and she couldn't fathom this – Owen. Owen Hunt, the man who had literally swept her off her feet, who had taken a bullet to save her, who had stood by her when she quit being a doctor, her Owen. How could he sleep with another woman? And not even remember her name. Was their marriage really so toxic?

"I-I…I haven't spoken to Owen, not since after the staff party…that night, was great. Perfect. But in the morning….sober. I – I couldn't even look at him Mer. It was like, he thought that it was okay, that I forgave him, like screwing changed everything he had done!" she paused for a moment the bitter sting of the cheating stuck her once more.

"I left that morning, I haven't seen him since. I've been staying at the Archfield, and this morning I called , I told him I was accepting the fellowship. I leave in two weeks. So, Mer, I need you. I need you to come with me today, please; I can't do it on my own." Cristina looked defeated; she was desperately trying to hold it together. Meredith hated seeing her like this – broken and fragile. Like she had been after Burke left. She had loved Burke, but Owen – Owen was a different league to Burke. She loved own with more conviction, more vigour, and passion that she had ever loved Burke. She loved him so much that it physically hurt to think about him, knowing that whatever was their previous that always drew them back together was gone.

"Sure, of course I will come with you. We'll need to drop Zola off at day-care and I'll get April to cover me..." She reached out her arm and rubbed Cristina's back gently, "It will be okay, you've got me, I'm right here."

_Dropping Zola off at Day care…._

Meredith and Cristina made their way to the hospital to drop Zola off at day care; Mer had paged April and got her to cover her for a few hours. They walked into hospital, through the lobby making their way to the elevator. Cristina spotted Hunt coming down the stairs, "shit," she muttered under her breath, Meredith turned to see what she was cursing at, to see Hunt coming directly towards them. "You should talk to him…" Meredith said. Cristina was willing the elevator to open so she could escape. But the elevators at Seattle Grace were not in Cristina's favour today.

"Cristina?" Owen called as he walked over, quickening his pace so not to miss her. She reluctantly looked over, "Owen…we're just – we're just…just dropping Zola off at day care." It was clear to both Meredith and Owen that Cristina was clearly anxious and extremely uncomfortable to be confronted with Owen.

"Cristina, can we talk? Please. I know you've been avoiding me, you've not been home, not answering your pages…"

Meredith intersected, "its okay, I'll drop Zola off, you go talk. I'll meet you back down here." Meredith got in the elevator with Zola leaving Cristina and Owen in the lobby.

_Great. You're supposed to have my back. _Cristina though as she glared at Meredith, as the door closed, sealing Cristina's fate.

"Owen, I don't know what you want to talk about? What's left to say?" she said, her words a mix of anger and sadness.

"Please, Cristina. Please…we can go to my office?" Owen pleaded.

"Fine. But I don't see what there is to talk about. And I've got an appointment. So it better be quick." She snapped, hoping he wouldn't ask what the appointment was.

They headed upstairs to Owens's office, Cristina reluctantly stepped inside. _This is what she had been desperately trying to avoid, it was hard enough making this decision without Owen actually physically being there, it made it infinitely more difficult him stood before her, and suddenly it started feeling very real. _She avoided eye contact as she paced the room; clearly distressed by the situation she had found herself in, this was not part of her plan.

Owen perched himself on the edge of his desk, his eyes didn't leave Cristina once as she paced back and forth his office. Neither of them knew what to say. The tension was high.

Owen took a deep breath, and another, building himself up to begin talking. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was, about the baby, and the cheating…everything. He had failed her repeatedly, expecting to be able to project his own dreams of this huge life he had planned for them into Cristina's. But if he loved her, why couldn't she have just been enough? It had taken him till now to realise she was. Cristina was all Owen wanted, she was his everything, and every breath he took was for her. If there was any hope, however slim of him being able to salvage their marriage from the wreckage he had created he would give up his vision of life for her. But how did he tell her he couldn't live without her without sounding selfish? She had this amazing opportunity to go on some of the best surgical fellowship programmes in the country, the last thing he wanted was to hold her back, to end up with her resenting him, like he did her over the baby.

"Cristina…" _Oh God where am I even going with this._

"Cristina… I-I miss you. Every second of every day, I miss you. This last week, it's been torture. Not knowing where you were, if you were okay…I know- I know…I have fucked up. I've failed you time and time again, I know that, I know I don't deserve another chance, I won't be some stupid boy who hold back Cristina Yang. So I won't ask you to stay, I won't make you make that choice…But. I Love you, from that first day, I have always loved you. I was transfixed by you – you intrigued me Cristina Yang, with you beauty, your fierce intelligence, this head strong mesmerizing woman intrigued me. You seen me, it had been so long since anyone had seen me. I knew that day I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, so Cristina, if any part of you still wants that – we'll do it, on your terms, what you want. Please, Cristina I love you so much, please…"

Owen braced himself for yelling, for screaming and being told how much he didn't have any right to tell her he missed her and loved her. But the reaction he was met with was not one he had prepared himself for. Nothing could have prepared Owen for what Cristina was about to say…

"I want a divorce Owen. That's why I am here – I asked Meredith to go with me to the lawyers this afternoon. That's my appointment Owen…"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Cristina watched as Owen's face changed, anger and disappointment washed over him. Owen felt like he was drowning, and there was no life raft in sight.

Divorce, it hadn't even crossed his mind, things weren't that bad yet? Were they? Divorce; it sounded so clinical, so devoid of emotion – completely everything that Owen and Cristina were not. She was giving up just as he was giving in. He felt like it was too late. Owen was livid at himself, he had caused this, he had driven her to this decision, yet another that Cristina had made without even considering him. He sometimes wondered if he had ever had any say in their relationship. Everything had been on Cristina's terms; the wedding, the abortion, every decision they should have made together had been decided for him by his wife.

Finally words managed to escape Owen's lips, "D-Divorce?...You're just giving up on us?"

He was shaking; his whole body trembled as he utter the words. _Oh God what have I done? One stupid drunken mistake has cost me my marriage; my Cristina. _He thought to himself. His chest tightened, he struggled for breath, and he felt as though his lungs were filling up with water. He couldn't breathe without her. She was the love of his life, his soul mate, every breath he took was for her, he was so desperately clinging onto the hope they could fix this, if they were on the same page, they could still come back from this trauma. They had gotten through so much worse and came out the other side stronger.

"Cristina…Please, please don't do this, to us. We're stronger than this…" He trailed off, this had hit him like a ton of bricks, crushing him, his mind was racing, thinking of all the things he wanted to say, words often failed Owen, and this was no exception.

"Cristina, I…I…We have so much left too do. This isn't over. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, for everything. Is this about the baby? Because I don't care, it doesn't matter. I don't fucking care about a child is it means losing you. Please, we'll do it on your terms, your way. Just don't fucking give up on us. Not yet, it should never have came to this. I still want 40 years with you Cristina Yang – I can't breathe without you." He sounded desperate, he was practically begging her. He didn't care, he knew what he wanted and it was slipping away from him. Owen was going to try his damndest not to let it slip out of his reach forever.

Cristina was in far worse pain right now that she had been two months earlier in the plane crash. Every inch of her was in agony. This was torture, seeing him beg her not to leave him. Part of her wanted to cave, in that instance, to walk over to him take his hands in hers and forget about everything that had gone on before. She loved him with every cell in her body, every atom in her adored this man, but too much had gone on. The damaged seemed irreparable between them. The reality of what she was about to do was starting to hit her. The thought of never waking up beside him, never kissing him, never touching him, the reality of this was making her decision even harder. _Am I really making the right choice? Or am I just running away again, like I did after the shooting? _Her mind was plagued by these thoughts. Cristina was on the verge of breaking down; seeing Owen so deflated, so distraught – it was painful. She was searching for words, to say something, anything.

"It's not just the baby Owen.." she could feel the anger building up, she knew she was going to say something she would later regret as rage took over. "You used the abortion to justify screwing another woman! It's everything! We just don't work Owen! We've been kidding ourselves; we never should have gotten married! You tried to strangle in my sleep! You held my hand and pretended everything was okay while I had the abortion then week later you are screaming at me I killed your baby in front of all our friends! I should have freaking walked away when you couldn't choose between me or Teddy, I should have walked away then and never looked back! So yeah Owen you are right, It never should have came to this!" she had no control over what she was saying, the words just kept coming out, she knew she could only be making this worse, but then she was about to file for divorce, how much worse could it get?

Owen was trying to process what she was saying, but he was distraught to process anything really.

"Okay, Cristina, I get it! I know I have fucked up, over and over again. Dammit Cristina don't you think I know that? I screwed someone else, I never supported you like I should have, I know that! I don't need reminding! But you – YOU are not innocent Cristina. Every decision in this marriage has been made by you, you don't even consider me, consider how things might affect me, This is supposed to be a partnership, but YOU, you have made this a dictatorship, but I love you, and want to make you happy so I have gone along with it, done what I thought you wanted me too do. So no Cristina I didn't pretend, I tried, I tried to want what you wanted, to do it your way, but it fucking killed me that you couldn't for one second consider what I wanted. Everything I do is for you, can't you see that? It always has been for you Cristina. Always!"

He paused for a minute, trying to collect his thoughts, he was shouting, again. He was so angry that she was giving up, but mostly the anger was directed at him. He should have tried harder, he should have been more supportive, been more understanding, and then this wouldn't be happening. Maybe he should have tried harder to talk to her since she had walked out, he should have called, or gone to the Archfield and demanded she talk to him. But he had thought he was doing the right thing, giving her time and space. He truly thought she would come back to him. Even if she was going to Mayo, that didn't have to be it. He would drive down there every weekend, until he could get a job in Minnesota; he thought it could be a new start for them, somewhere fresh, a clean slate. But the slate had just been smashed right before his very eyes. He walked towards Cristina, her eyes looked so sad, through gorgeous warm brown eyes looked cold and lifeless. He hated himself for making her like this.

He sighed deeply, staring down at his shoes; he couldn't bear to look into her eyes, knowing he would never get to wake up to them again. He couldn't give up, he couldn't just let her walk away from him. He reached out for her, grabbing her arms gently, and looked into her eyes, "Please Cristina, I love you."

Cristina couldn't bear it, this was too hard, she pulled back from him "No, no, no. I can't. I can't, I can't do this. You can't do this. I…I…love you. But we don't work, not like this. How do we come back from this Owen?" she spoke softer, it wasn't the anger talking now.

"I don't know, Cristina, I don't know. But we can work though it, together, I know we can. We have too…" He was frowning, deeply concerned of what she was going to say next. Sometimes he wondered if he ever done anything but frown these days.

"I'm going to Mayo, Owen. I'm not staying in Seattle, how do we work through it from opposite sides of the country?" She really did have an answer for everything, this frustrated Owen.

"I know you are, that doesn't have to it for us though. I can drive down on the weekends, until…until…I can get a job in Minnesota, there's a ton of hospitals down there, I'd already been looking into Trauma positions down there..." He was apprehensive about telling her that, although if truth be told he had sent off a few resumes and emailed the chief of surgery at several of the surrounding hospitals.

"I..I don't know. I don't know Owen. You'd leave Seattle?..." she was taken aback by what he was saying, she had thought he had give up as much as she had. But he had been considering giving his whole life up for her. Cristina didn't know what to do now. She loved him, with every part of her. She loved him, but she didn't let him in, let him make these decisions with her. Yet she expected him to go along with them, had she really expected him to accept that she was divorcing him? Truth be told she didn't want a divorce. It terrified her thinking of walking away for good. He had told her he would never love another woman, and Cristina could never love another man. Owen was her soul mate. The love of her life.

"I would do anything for you Cristina Yang." He said it with so much conviction, so much passion, she knew he meant every word.

"Okay. Well we'll talk about it. But not right now, I need to….Meredith is waiting on me. I need to go…"

"Oh, so you're still…." She interrupted him. "No, I'll wait. We'll talk about it. But I need to go, Meredith is waiting."

"Okay. Okay…go. See Meredith. When…when do you want to talk about this?" he questioned apprehensively.

"I need to go Owen. I'll come round to the house, later…okay? But I need to go…" She needed to get out of his office, this was too much, too tense. She did not want to break down in front of him right now.

"Okay. Later…" He replied weakly, touching her arm as she walked towards the door, exiting the office. Once she felt Owen sat down at his desk, his elbows on the table, cradling his head with his hands. It was too much, he had held it in while she had been there, not wanting to appear even weaker than he already was. The mix of emotions overcame Owen, as tears started to fall from his beautiful blue eyes. He sighed, unsure of what this meant. He guessed it might be clearer later, when they talked. Until then he would just have to wait.


End file.
